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You seem to want to talk about something and I think I know what it is, but here is the deal. It is your conversation. I can’t have it for you. I will continue to try and give you openings to talk about it, but I can’t make you take any of them.
You may wish I’d come out and just force you to have the discussion, but part of growing up is being able to have conversations about things that matter to you.
To me the core is that you’re my kid, I love you, and nothing is going to change that part of who you are to me. So unless you’re trying to divorce me as a parent, I’ll accept the rest, but it is up to you to tell me what the rest of it is.
I’ve got a dilemma. I REALLY want to use my blog and journal real things that are going on in my life. I’ve done it before and it is a great way for me to see things laid out in front of me and then process them. My issue is that one of my current frustrations revolves around my teenager. The last thing I want is for them to have a negative reaction to me journaling, but so much of my emotions are wrapped up in them that anything honest is going to have a teenager featured in the starring role.
I’m stressing over teenager stuff, job stuff, house stuff, and what’s next stuff. My husband has figured out that I’m going to stress. It is in my nature or in my DNA, either way I’m going to do it to some extent.
I want to be a fun mom, but right now I feel like all I ever get to be is the mean mom. I’m the Ruiner, the killer of fun. I expect homework and (very) minimal chores to be done before things like hanging out with friends and video games. I’ve been working as diligently as I can to spell out expectations, because our teen gets frustrated if after chores are done, I ask if homework is also done. They look at me adding extra things on the pile of stuff to be done before they get what they want. I honestly see being up to date on homework/school work and chores done as the minimum buy in to go out and goof off.
I love the kid to pieces and I’d do anything for them, but there are some things they just have to do for themself. I can’t make High School go away and that seems to be what they want more than anything.
I’ve been giving it some thought and I think it is time to change the version number on my blog. I’m not changing platforms like I did when I moved from 1.0 to 2.0, but I’ve had a lot of things change in my life since RedJen’s Musings 2.0 was launched.
I left the company I had been working at for over 16 years and since then I’ve been working as a consultant and contract worker.
I met my current husband and got married.
I survived Middle School (again), this time I didn’t have to do all the homework, but a lot of the homework was completed because I was there. I even got to enjoy multiple band and choir concerts.
I bought and Xbox One in order to stop backseat driving while my husband plays video games in the living room. I’m still not as happy with the lack of control options on the Xbox controller compared to PC gaming, but for the things we play together, I’m happy to sit side by side on the couch together.
I adopted my husband’s teenager right before they started High School, so they are now my teenager and I’m officially “My Mom” when they talk to other people. I should point out that this is not always done in a happy manner. I’ve also earned the title “the Ruiner” for my refusal to accept that progress toward an end goal is not the same was achieving the end goal.
I’m considering what it would be like to work for me and if that is something that I would want to do.
So I no longer live alone, I have 2 other humans that I’ve formally tied to myself, I’m playing more console games than PC, the gallery program that I used to use for my sites is no longer supported, I still haven’t completely figured out the new one I installed, but I did transfer most of the pictures.
Yeah time for version 3.0.
There’s no way I’m putting all of these into Amazon one at a time, so instead I’ll put the links here.
There are quite a few suggestions on Dylan’s Amazon Wish List – Dylan 12/2017
Any Dear Evan Hansen, Heathers, or Hamilton jewelry
Any large Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, Heathers, Yandere Simulator or Hamilton t-shirts or posters
Any galaxy patterned stuff that are NOT dresses
RedBubble Gift Certificates
Hot Topic Gift Certificates
Crank Game Plays:
Jack Sept Eye:
It appears that I’m going to have to do some work on my gallery. I’m not sure what happened to it, but it is currently unavailable.
Grr, I really don’t like it when the host service does stuff that ends up breaking things without letting me know ahead of time.
Lots of changes this year.
Started the year as the single almost parent of a 6th grader, officially unemployeed as of Jan 1, 2015
Surprise no insurance (COBRA ran out Feb 2nd)
New husband (On weekends and holidays, he’s still working for the union)
New step daughter (and step son)
Two new sets of In-laws
Preparing for BronyCon
Met my husband’s parents and brother
New school year (7th grade) – still a single parent
My husband moves home full time (union pension vested), I’m no longer a single parent during the week.
I was able to start gaming a few times a month on the weekend. I missed in person gaming, but it really didn’t fit anywhere until my husband moved down here full time. I used to game during the week, but that was completely disrupted by taking in my now step-daughter early so she wouldn’t have to change schools.
Thanksgiving & Christmas with our extended friends who may as well be family, all the while missing family we aren’t able to visit at this time.
Project Managing the kid through her holiday break so she actually gets her Science Fair Project done.
Coordinating gifts to family.
Putting a hurt on the Xmas candy and items to stock up on gingerbread and Peppermint Jell-O desserts.
Making Peppermint Bark without white chocolate (dark chocolate & milk chocolate) so we can share it with friends tonight.
Figuring out the kid’s plan for this evening. We had a kids’ party for her to go to with a friend, but now looks like she’ll be joining her friend at his house instead. His mom hasn’t weighed in on the situation yet, so all is up in the air.
The other question for today: Will there be flute music? We’ve bought the waffle chairs that she wants for her room, but now she has to pay for them with good behavior and flute practice. We’ll see how soon they become hers.
I suspect the post that led me to write this will eventually be found at http://blog.amandapalmer.net/
I realized recently that I (also) miss my blog. I miss the rambling stream of consciousness that tossed everything in my brain out to where I could see in and let me reassemble it in a way that made sense to me (if no one else). It helped me take all the clutter in the closet that is my head, identify the things that no longer fit me, and toss out them out in ways that stuck. When I blogged through something, I could go back to it and say “Yeah, that’s why I made that decision.” It was validating to be able to show my unconscious mind the reasons why we no longer clung to certain things. It was tangible to me.
I’m going to take this reply to Amanda Palmer’s musings, and pasted it here in my neglected blog as a seed to start growing it again.
I’m not sure if it was part of the WordPress “Brute Force” Attack and IPOWER’s Response from the middle of April. I’m trying to rebuild things, but I have no idea how much is gone forever. We’ll see what I can dig up over time.