RedJen's Rearview Mirror

Okay, so maybe I wasn�t real clear on communicating that my plan changed at the last minute and I flew up to Ohio instead of driving, but I did end up at my parents house when I said I would from the beginning (sometime Friday night). As a side note, the convertible that the rental car place upgraded me to is sweet.

I met my best friend from college Thursday night and spent all day Friday shopping and catching up. We always end up shopping, which may explain why I only packed two outfits for a three-day trip. Not to worry, I have once again filled my suitcase and will not be forced to borrow clothes or do laundry while I�m here. To avoid any real changes when I�m typing on the couch, I have exchanged my cat Neko for my brother�s dog Skeeter. Thus, I continue to type with a single hand. Rugrat is still abed, Dad is taking a shower, Mom has gone to pick up Grandma and I am sitting with the two dogs currently in residence (Pepper being one of my dad�s birthday presents from last year). It is funny how slipping back into having these people around seems. Granted I know that I�ll be heading back to North Carolina tomorrow, but it�s nice.

So far so good�

I was able to �meet� my nephew this weekend. My brother and sister-in-law have about 2 more months to decide upon his first name. He will share his middle name with my brother and father. I have not had a lot of time to get to know my brother�s wife, but it was incredible to feel their child moving within her. It surprised me how different it made me feel compared to when my mom was pregnant or when friends of mine have had children. The little future soccer player felt like he was doing flips. :)

This weekend was probably one of the most enjoyable trips home that I�ve had in a long time. Granted I was only there for about 36 hours and I didn�t get a chance to see one of my brothers, but it was nice. I was able to take a lot of pictures, hopefully some of them will turn out well.

A picture from Rugrat's weekend. Guess what she spent most of it doing...

Here's a hint:

Look mom, no hair...

I am old enough now to know you are not perfect.
I am old enough now to understand that you always did your best.
I am old enough now to recognize that personal growth doesn�t stop.
I am old enough now to admit I still strive for your approval.

What a conundrum I must have been to a young first time father.
I was never sure how to reach you, but I always knew you would protect me.
When I wanted to play catch, I wish you had played only with me.
When my friend died, you held me as I cried.
You taught me how to drive on ice (I can never thank you enough for that).
You were there to strengthen me when my crazed ex-boyfriend climbed our house.

You taught me by example.
You taught me to be strong.
You taught me to honor my word.
You taught me to keep my commitments.
You taught me that personal convictions matter.
You taught me to protect those I love.

It is you that I fear letting down, should I fall.
I can see much of your character in me.
I am taller now, but your arms are still the safest place I know.

My brother and sister-in-law welcomed Brett Allen into the world last night at 7:02 PM. He arrived 20.5 inches long and 7 lbs 15 ounces. By all accounts, he has 10 toes, 8 fingers, 2 thumbs, brown hair with a red tinge and blue eyes with brown streaks so we�ll have to see what color they turn out to be.

Baby & new Daddy

Now if only he had decided to make his appearance last Saturday, I could have met him while I was up in Ohio. For now I�ll have to hope his parents send me more pictures until I can make the trip back up.

You�ve done well for yourself little brother. You have a lovely wife, who is adorable and has some real spunk. You have a new baby (who I�ve only gotten to adore from afar at this point), a place that is your own, a decent job and friends who would adopt you into their own family if they could. I don�t know how you managed to get your act together so soon, but I�m glad one of us did. Much love!

Shh, I think daddy�s tired.

Tomorrow, my parents will celebrate their 32nd anniversary. I can�t thank them enough for what they�ve done for me over the years. Regardless of anything else, I love them dearly and they gave me a wonderful start on life.

Call me Pollyanna, but I was taught to never judge a person by the color of their skin, only by their actions and what is in their heart. I honestly didn�t understand the culture of assumed aggression I experienced working in the inner city while I was in college. I don�t know how they did it, but my parents really did raise me to be colorblind.

Until I got much older, I didn�t realize just how barely my parents managed to keep us above the poverty line. It was never a real issue for me as a child. So I wasn�t fond of K-Mart and Dollar General Store clothes, but I had clothes. I never had to go hungry. If one of us became sick, we were able to go to the doctor, I can remember my mom working out some creative finance plans with our doctor�s office staff. Somehow, we always managed to get the things we really needed. We didn�t always get the things that would have been nice to have, but we were taught to be thankful for what we did have. I really thought the world was in perfect order when mom would buy Marshmallow Cream at the grocery store. Added to some toast with peanut butter, it is still one of my favorite treats.

So what am I most grateful for them teaching? I�m grateful that they have shown that being a family takes time and effort. Parents do not need to get children involved in all the little things. Being married is a commitment to your partner and to any children that come of your union. Marriage can still work. People can always grow if they are willing to put forth the effort. My mom went back to college when I was in the 8th grade. My dad studied and worked to become an ordained deacon after I had graduated from college.

So what do I miss most about growing up? I miss all day bike rides where we�d take a picnic and ride along the back roads of Ohio on the weekends. I miss going to state parks, hiking along the trails and playing on the rocks along the streams. I miss picnicking, skipping stones, playing Frisbee and catch at Indian Mill. I miss fishing off the peer at the reservoirs outside of town. I miss catching fireflies in the evening and watching those yellow flowers bloom at 7:00 PM. I miss being sent out to the garden to pick a salad for dinner (carrots, lettuce, onions, bell peppers, cucumbers and tomatoes).

I was very lucky growing up. I got to be a kid and I didn�t have to grow up too soon. For first time parents, you guys did one heck of a job. You�ve had a lot thrown at you and still you continue along together. I can only admire the strength you�ve shown, when there are so many examples of marriages that fall apart.

Happy Anniversary! I love you as much as ever and I respect you more than you will ever know.

I don't have any pictures of just my parents with me, so this out of date one with all of us will have to do.

(My parents look about the same, just with less color to their hair. So maybe if you change your monitor to black and white, you'll get the idea.)

Hurry Kati-Bug, run to the store and buy some hooch!

Hope you've had fun today little sister!

Today is a milestone for a few special people in my life.

First of all, it is my younger brother�s 29th birthday. I�m really happy to see that he�s gotten things together and has taken control of his life. He won�t read this, since he thinks it is crazy that I have a website. I think he words were �Why would you want to go and do something like that? Don�t you get enough of that at work?� Okay, so we don�t see eye to eye on the use of my free time, but I think we can get beyond that.

Second, today is Necess1ty and Hubby�s wedding anniversary. They�ve been through a lot in the last two years. I�m glad the two of you have found that you can depend on each other. I have to give mad props to Hubby, he did really good on Necess1ty�s gift. I think it was GAP made perfume for a while and Necess1ty REALLY liked one of them (Blue I think), but they stopped making it and she couldn�t find any more. She went so far as to save the very last of hers so that she could have some made if she ever had the money. She would too, because she liked it that much. Well Hubby in a true stroke of genius, managed to acquire not one, but two unopened bottles of the perfume for Necess1ty�s gift and scored some major points in the process. He�s even managed to pull slightly ahead of even at this point (previous gifts had him in a HUGE deficit). So we now know that Hubby is capable of delivering on good gifts. This was a big success. Time will tell if turns into a positive pattern.

It has been brought to the glaring forefront, that there are still places where not only is there a glass ceiling, but bricks and anvils are lobbed at any woman who dares try to look upward.

The world unravels around you and a strong woman will influence you. Your past has had people working against you. You are destined to find the firm foundation, which you crave. Things are about to slow down and will not happen as quickly as you like. Your drive to achieve your assigned tasks may have been in vain, but new ventures are coming. You will be forced into a pattern of inactivity, but you must use it to work on your emotions and ready yourself by growing in a way you have yet to dare. All will work out, but it won�t be easy.

Does this describe Saturn Returns?

I�m struggling with feelings right now. I�m not unhappy or sad, but I have a lot of concern for another. I�m afraid that if I show too much compassion, it will be seen as a judgment on their strength. Maybe my worry is unnecessary, as I try very hard to refrain from judging others. I don�t want to add any more to an already stressful situation, even by accident.

So I�m here and I�m sending out good thoughts.

Happy thought for the day:

Today is my brother and sister-in-laws wedding anniversary. This last year has brought some changes into all of our lives with the addition of their first child, who also happens to be the one next generation in my immediate family. I�ve been assured that I�ll even get to see the little guy at some point. Right now it looks like I�ll be getting to see him when I go up to Ohio for the OSU/Michigan State game in November.

I have a very nice picture of these two somewhere, but it doesn�t appear to be on this hard drive, so I�ll look for it when I get home.

My poor little kitty hasn�t been feeling well lately. It took a bit to decipher which cat was feeling poorly, but Thursday night it became apparent that it was Brewster. He�s lost a lot of weight, to the point that when you pet him, you can feel him spine all the way down his back. I took him to the vet on Friday morning and the vet ran a few tests to discover what the problem is. It turns out that Brewster has developed diabetes. His blood sugar was over 500 and it is supposed to be closer to 100. Luckily, he doesn�t have any toxins in his urine, so the vet expects that I�ll be able to control it by changing his diet. We�ll know more in about two weeks when we go back in for a checkup. The diet change is okay for Omega and Neko too. While my cat food bill is going to go UP, I won�t have to figure out a way to feed Brewster separately from the other two. So after 3 days on the new diet, Brewster is still acting a bit listless, but has been eating well and hasn�t been sick or had any accidents in the house. The change in diet seems good for Brewster, which is good for me.

Today the world lost an incredible woman. Just before 3:00 PM my beloved Aunt Pat passed away and left behind the pain of her cancer to go on into the rest and joy she has earned. The rest of the world may call her Sister Justine, but to me she will always be my Aunt Pat. There aren�t many people like her around. One of the best compliments I ever received was from her. She asked me what I did at work and as I described my job, she got a smile on her face and said something about how down to earth I was. I was telling her about coordinating international conference calls and negotiating worldwide software requirements.

Goodbye, I know you�ll be keeping an eye on us. God speed and much love.

The sun came up today and I�ve been touched by people wanting to make sure I�m okay. I�m emotionally drained and I�m done crying for now. It remains to be seen what going home will bring, but I�ll find out on Wednesday.

The first set of Halloween pictures have been uploaded to the photo album. I'm expecting more of them, but I wanted to get some out where they could be seen. Enjoy

Brewster was back at the vet on Friday for a check up to see if changing his diet was having any effect on his blood sugar levels. The good news is that his levels were down close to 150 points. The bad news is that his levels were still about 450, which is 3 times where they should be. From what my vet has said, cats do not do well with insulin injections, so as long as his blood sugar levels are going down, we are going to stay with the modified diet in the hope that it will go down to a much more acceptable level. Personally, my idea of fun does not include chasing Brewster around twice a day with a needle, so good thoughts against the diabetes please�

Neko & Omega had their check up at the vet Saturday morning. Both were announced to be fine, if in need of a bit more exercise. They were given their yearly booster shots and sent back home no worse for wear.

I�m afraid that I may not be able to travel up to Ohio for the Christmas holidays this year. There is still a chance that I may be able to do it, but I�m not going to count on it at this point. I think I�m coming to realize why we didn�t see my uncle�s family every year while we were growing up. Buying the house has put a squeeze on things, especially since I wasn�t expecting to do it until next year. Part of this will depend on whether or not I have the cushion to replace my water heater. I suspect that I�ll have to replace it within the next 3 to 6 months, so if I don�t have the �extra� money to be able to do that, travel to Ohio may be a luxury I won�t be able to risk. So the U. S. Postal Service and I are going to be getting on good terms very soon. That or I�ll be ordering everything and having it shipped to the appropriate people.

While missing the family celebration will be hard, this past year has been very positive as far as my relationships here in North Carolina are concerned. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I have people here that I can turn to without question for support.

(Aside grumble: I really wish that the sucky Zanuc server hadn�t eaten a week of my journals last month, because there was one dealing with my feelings on being different growing up and being all too human as a result. It was hard for me to write and I�m hoping against all odds that I will eventually get it back.)

So while I may not be able to look forward to spending the holidays with my immediate family, I know that I won�t be spending them wondering whether or not my presence makes a difference to the people I care for down here.

One thing that keeping up with my journal has helped with is that my friends who have taken to reading it have learned more about me and how I react to things. This includes how I internalize things and that while I may not be demonstrative in public, I do feel things very deeply and I don�t choose the people I associate with lightly. It has also given my friends the opportunity to empathize with things going on with me, which isn�t always very easy given that my first reaction to just about anything is to internalize and analyze before anything else.

I took Brewster back into the vet this afternoon to recheck his blood sugar levels. Again they are down from two weeks ago, but still not low enough. His level today was 391, which is down from 450 two weeks ago and over 500 four weeks ago. An extra bonus is that he hasn�t lost any more weight either. He�s holding steady at 7.5 lbs.

So the news is positive and hopeful!

The trip to Ohio is back on, although short. My brother and sister-in-law have decided that it is important that I be there for Brett�s Baptism (okay, I am going to be his godmother), so my parents are going to play fairy godparents are buying me a plane ticket for my Christmas present and making everyone happy. It�ll be a short trip, but I�m very happy that it�s going to happen. I won�t be home on Christmas, but I�ll be there in the general timeframe.

Every year since I moved down to North Carolina, I�ve always had some kind of holiday get together during the Christmas, Hanukah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, New Year�s season. I�ve always tried to create a nice meal that everyone enjoys. In the past I�ve always planned the meal days in advance so as to make sure that everything was perfect. Every year in the past, I�ve enjoyed seeing everyone and cooking for them, but juggling everything always added a measure of stress to the event.

This year, things have been a bit hectic, as you may have noticed, so I haven�t been able to do any intense planning or spare the energy to stress over today. When I woke up this morning at 9:00 a.m., I had not yet completed my gift exchange shopping, I hadn�t decided on a menu and I hadn�t even been to the grocery store. As I had people arriving in only three hours, an elaborate menu wasn�t going to happen, so I decided focused on simple, but good flavors. A ham cooked in a Coca-Cola reduction, sugar snap peas, mashed potatoes with sour cream and feta cheese, rolls and a mandarin cheesecake mousse for dessert.

By the time people began arriving, my presents were wrapped, I had fresh chocolate chip and anise-sugar cookies cooking in the oven and I was getting ready to start making chocolate pretzels. Rather than do what I had done in the past and sending my guests into the living room to work on the Christmas tree, I put them to work in the kitchen with me and included them in preparations for our meal. It is nice having a kitchen where five people can be moving around comfortably. Dominion crushed graham crackers, Desufnoc melted chocolate and then used it to coat pretzels, Drix crushed candy canes, Morgan coated the chocolate covered pretzels with crushed Toffee and candy canes, ShaeSin pealed potatoes and I finished making cookies. As people continued to arrive, the tree in the living room came together. For me it was a nice, warm fuzzy feeling. I was a part of everything that was going on and not an observer. Christmas music played on the stereo and a feeling of celebration was in the air.

The food was good, the company was fun, the gifts were thoughtful and I had a lot of fun. Once I�ve had a chance to go through the pictures, I�ll be adding a new set to the photo album. I�m highly content right now.

The pictures from last Sunday's Holiday gift exchange party are now in the photo album. I haven't started on the captions yet, but the pictures are up...

Jen's Photo Album

Continuing his good work, Brewster has again improved his Blood Sugar Level test results. His score today was 336, which is down from 391 two weeks ago. So far on the new diet he has dropped over 200 points since the first test at 545. I�ll take him back in for another test between Christmas and New Year�s Day. If he gets below 300, that will put him in the normal range and hopefully he�ll stay there.

Each of my cats has taken primary ownership of a specific part of the house. The living room is Neko�s. My bedroom is Omega�s but she lets Neko hang out with her in the afternoon. Brewster guards the kitchen and makes sure that the other two aren�t lonely. I�m not exactly sure why, but Omega seems to think that the bathtub in the master bathroom is either a roller derby track or a foxhole. Every time I go into the bathroom, she follows me in and then proceeds to stalk the bathtub.

May there be few presents listed as combo gifts!

Brewster needs your good thoughts and prayers.

When I got home yesterday, Brewster was acting quiet, but not too far out of the ordinary since he was diagnosed with diabetes. This morning when I woke up, it was completely different. He was acting glassy eyed and barely reactive. I found multiple urine accidents on the carpet that weren�t there when I went to bed late last night. I found him in the kitchen laying with his chin in the water bowl, but not drinking. He was sniffing at the water, but not drinking. I did manage to get a little water in his mouth using a spoon, but after a while he refused to let me open his mouth. We had a vet appointment scheduled for this afternoon, but I wasn�t willing to wait any longer, so I cradled him in a towel and drove him to the vet hospital.

When we got the hospital, they took us right in and sent in one of the vets. His temperature was low, his breathing shallow, his breathe smelled of acetone and he was dehydrated.

He�s currently at the animal hospital. The vet said that if all went well, he might be able to come home in about two days. I could tell he didn�t want to worry me too much, but when he told me that there was a chance things may not go well, I knew something really bad was going on. As I suspected, he told me they were going to put Brewster on an IV to treat the dehydration. He told me that Brewster was in a state of acidosis caused by Ketos. What I didn�t suspect was how severe Ketoacidosis can be.

After making sure they had my phone numbers, I headed home to pull up Google and search on acidosis and feline. The first section below is what Brewster is going through right now. The second section is more information on Diabetic Ketoacidosis.

My sweet, sweet little Brewster-boy isn�t coming home...

Brewster�s diabetic emergency became fatal at 7:30 pm this evening. I spoke to the vet at about 7:00 when he called to give me an update. At that point his blood sugar was down to a normal level and his body temperature was up to normal, but the urine test had found some kidney problems, he was still lethargic and his eyes were dilated and non-reactive. The vet had hoped that there would have been more progress at that point and he wanted me to know how things were going. He was afraid that Brewster would not fully recover and I believe he wanted me to be prepared in case I had to make a decision. He was planning on taking Brewster home with him for the evening to continue giving Brewster insulin and monitoring his progress.

The vet just called and when he went to take Brewster home with him for the evening, he found that Brewster had passed.

My sweet, sweet little Brewster-boy isn�t coming home.

I�ll be scattering Brewster�s ashes in about a week and a half. I�ll have to figure out where to take them, definitely somewhere with birds and sunshine. My sweet, sweet little boy...

Neko and Omega are confused. Omega has been walking around the house every few hours and meowing. Neko has been following me around staying close and running to check out any noise in the house. I know they are both looking for Brewster. I was looking for him this morning when I went to put out their food.

They were together for over 6 years and never apart for more than a few hours at a time. I can�t tell them what happened. I can�t take them to see him. Neither of them saw me take him out of the house, because they were both upstairs. To them he�s just missing and they probably expect him to show up at any time. I wish I could believe that too, but I know better.

... and Congrats to you and Tiffany!

I found out tonight that my grandma cheats when she makes her noodles! I�m not going to give away her cheat, but I couldn�t believe it when she told me. I�d also like to say I find it unfair to list ingredients for a recipe without including a set of base measurements.

Ever since I started keeping this journal, you�ve been able to read about things that I am becoming aware of and addressing for myself. At times, I have been afraid to put things here that may be hard for you to read, because I was afraid that you would be hurt by what I had to say. I've still said them, but I hope in a way that hasn't seemed hurtful to you. I have worked very hard to be honest with myself, even when I�m afraid of the truth. The majority of what I�ve addressed about myself personally are things that I have identified as needing change. I have made a conscious decision to dig into my personality and get to know myself in order to better understand and relate to the world around me.

You�ve known me my entire life, so you know that I address projects in a manner that seems logical to me. It should come as no surprise that I decided to start at the beginning and work my way forward in a project of this size. The biggest source of confusion for me has been my emotions and self-image.

The thing that I have been lax in addressing is how much I love and admire you.

You created a nuclear family for your children. Few people are blessed to grow up in such an environment.

You live your beliefs. It is so easy say, �I believe� something, it is something else entirely to stop talking and just model what you believe for your children. There are a lot of values that have lost importance within society, that I learned are important from you.

Honesty
Integrity � the value of keeping your word and acting in a way that is in sync with your values
Responsibility � for every action we choose to take, there is a reaction that we are responsible for creating.
Gratitude � for the freedoms we live with.
Respect � my rights end where yours begin.
Honor � the right thing is still the right thing, even when it is hard or unpopular.
Humility � there are a lot of people on this world. Every individual has a unique set of gifts and there will always be someone who is better at something.
Awareness � that there are places in the world where people do no enjoy the freedoms and resources that are so easy for us to take for granted.

The core set of values that you live by, and model for us, are above and beyond what is socially acceptable. In a world where it is deemed okay to be self-centered and ignore the effect your actions have on other people, you have chosen to remain true to your values. The strength of character you show is incredible and I admire you for that.

I recently asked you who I am to you. To me, you are the foundation on which my character was built. I hope that if I am ever blessed with children of my own that I can be half the parent that either of you are to me.

I love you.

Your daughter,
Jen

Now that some time has passed, I think I�m ready to begin looking into bringing a new resident into the house. I�ve done a bit of research on cat breeds and have decided that I�d like to adopt a pair of sibling Bengal kittens. That�s the easy part. The hard part is now I need to figure out how to find a reputable breeder from whom I can acquire the kittens.

To be honest, I don�t know a thing about how pure breed cat breeders operate. I can easily search the Internet and find sites, but I don�t want to assume that a slick website means a reputable breeder or the converse. Just because the web part is nice doesn�t necessarily mean that the cats are treated well. Anyway, if anyone has any advice, I�m open to suggestions.

Do you wonder what a Bengal cat looks like? Here is a link to Cheetah�s Den Cattery a site with a bunch of pictures on their homepage. Here is my favorite of the Bengal pictures that I�ve seen so far:

There�s just something about skirting things within the letter of the law. Take yesterday�s picture for instance. It is not saved on anyone else�s website (yet) and specifically not the person who took the picture�s site. It was not delivered to anyone via email (yet). To top things off, I was very nice and did a HUGE crop job on the picture. Let�s remember just how nice that was, because I have the equivalent of the negatives of this and the other pictures.

We haven't seen you in a while, but I hope all is well.

Yikes, is it April all ready? So with me in NC and Claire in Iowa, do you figure Cass will end up in Maine?

I've got pretty cool sisters.

By the time I left work, I literally couldn't remember my own phone number.

(I'm being serious here, I had to call the pest control people to reschedule my appointment from tomorrow morning to the afternoon and I couldn't remember my home phone number.)

I found a card in my mail from my sister that made me laugh. It was perfect!

I hope this isn't the new dress code of the Naked Justice Squad...

... and breaking land speed records.

Congrats to the happy couple.

Based on the activities documented by ShaeSin at The Ranting Virgo, it would appear that Gateway is volunteering to join the list of Things that SUCK! Don�t you love when people volunteer for things?

Hopefully coming soon: "How ShaeSin got her groovy laptop back"

Camera phone pictures from Christy's graduation and the trip there have been added to the Photo Album.

Except for writing my pen pal and installing the screen door, the inside tasks are finished. Eve�s nieces are downstairs. I wonder if I could borrow them to go pick up sticks out in the yard. I may try and install the screen door tonight, but it takes two people, because one has to hold the housing against the doorframe for part of the installation. The house looks pretty good.

If you haven�t figured it out, today is Father�s Day. This year I celebrated by hitting the Father�s Day sale at Sears and buying myself power tools (a drill/driver, a bit set and a trimmer/edger). Look Dad, I have real tools. I can�t wait to try out the drill and see what kind of havoc I can wreck with it.

So to my favorite dads (mine, my brother Pete and my godfather Jim) and all the other fathers out there, Happy Father�s Day.

Boy have I been lax in keeping this up to date the last week or so. Funny how when I start feeling better, I�m talking less. I�m still really enjoying work. Things are going well as far as I can tell. My mom, grandma and sisters were just here for a visit. The actual reason for the visit was to drop Rugrat off for her visit, but I had thought they were going to stay until the weekend. I was wrong. The original plan was for them to get here on Tuesday and (I thought) stay through the weekend. It turns out that they got in Monday evening and left this morning. So it nets out to two days in a car and two days here. While I�m trilled that I got to see everyone (especially my grandma, who hadn�t seen my house before), I have a feeling they�ll be sleeping well once they get back to Ohio.

Rugrat is installed in the third bedroom and the paperweight that passes for a computer has been put together in the office for her to use. Now the question is how long will it take for her to get bored. My neighborhood doesn�t have a pool, so she won�t have that option. We did go to K-Mart today and I picked up a Slip-N-Slide knock off for $6, water ballons and a sprinkler, so she�ll have something to play with. I almost picked up a kiddy pool, but my lawn is in poor enough shape at this point without putting out a pool and killing a perfect circle on top of everything else.

For lunch yesterday, I took everyone into work and we ate in the cafeteria. I figured they�d get a kick out of it. I�m not sure if that�s what happened. Grandma seemed thrown for a loop by everything and kept saying how big everything was. It really brought home what a different world I live in than some of the other members of my family. When she, my mom and my aunt flew to Colorado in the spring, she wished that they�d brought a man along with them. I don�t think anything of taking a trip by myself. I wouldn�t even think of a man as a necessary piece of luggage for a trip.

Poor Claire is going to get up to Ohio tonight and is to flying back to Iowa this weekend. By the time she gets back home, it�ll be time for classes to start again and she�ll wonder where her vacation went. She�s spent the last week in a remake from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Me, I�m going to be early tonight and I�m going to sleep until I wake up. The dog and pony show has been put away for the week.

I know you and Cupcake have been otherwise distracted, but it would be a lot easier to send congratulation mail if people knew where to send it.

The wedding site

There are more pictures of Blue in the "Meet Blue" photo album. I usually won't put a picture here that is so big, but I'm making an exception for this one. Check out Blue's eyes. This picture really came out well and you can really see the different colors.

The incorporation of Blue into Omega and Neko�s lives is coming along better than I expected. At some point on Friday, Omega decided she was fed up with not being allowed in my room (Blue�s containment area) and either jumped the baby gate or crawled under in the 4 inch gap I left for Blue to use. Since then she and Blue have managed to sleep on opposite sides of my bed for the night and wake up without immediately hissing at each other. So far Blue has been good at backing off when Omega rumbles at him. It is funny to watch him get ready to pounce on her from behind, only to have her turn at the last second and growl low in her throat. Seeing him abort mid-pounce is cute.

Neko hasn�t ventured back upstairs in the last few days, preferring to spend time in the living room, which has always been her room. She hasn�t been welcoming of Blue, but she seems to be building a tolerance for his kitten ways. When he plays with her favorite toy, she�ll come into the room and watch, but she doesn�t say anything.

In related news, Omega has been seen multiple times sitting in the family room doorways. Why is this news? Eve has now seen what Omega looks like and there were other people in the room at the time.

Happy Birthday little brother!

P.S. If you tell me when Lacie's birthday is I can a) send her a card and b) announce it here as well. Otherwise, I may have to include her picture in my navigator until I can figure out when her birthday is...

Today I�ll be heading to Ohio to take Rugrat back home. I suppose that I should get her back, since she starts High School next Tuesday. I hate leaving Blue, I�ve been really tempted to take him with me, but I�m going to be spending so much time in the car that I�ll leave him at home.

Rugrat and I will be taking a longer break in Columbus than I had originally planned. My mom hasn�t been feeling well and over the last month has been dealing with intestinal infections. Yesterday, the doctors discovered the cause the infections. Three of the arteries that feed into her intestines have blockage, which is preventing the intestines from getting the fluids they need to work properly. The doctors are supposed to decide today or tomorrow if they will use angioplasty, a bypass or some other method to relieve the blockage. It is nice to have a cause pinpointed. Not knowing what was causing the problems was frustrating. I can�t help but laugh a little. I keep thinking she�ll either be having balloon therapy or a belly bypass.

Rugrat and I made it to Ohio in near record time. However, we did not go to our parents� house, instead we went to one of the hospitals in Columbus. Mom has been in the hospital since Saturday night. She went into Bucyrus Community Hospital first, but was transferred down to Columbus on Tuesday. So far the doctors in Columbus have not been able to pinpoint the case of the problem, but they have ruled out quite a few things, including the preliminary diagnosis made in Bucyrus. If there is one thing I appreciate about the hospital in Bucyrus, it is that they know when things go beyond their expertise. In an emergency, they can triage with the best of them, but if it isn�t an acute situation, then get the patient to the right care. No new news today. Yeah, I�m getting a little worried.

I�m taking Rugrat to her High School orientation in about an hour. It is weird to go back there as part of the parent/guardian group. It shouldn�t be that shocking since next year it will be 15 years since I graduated from that same school, but it doesn�t feel that way.

My mom is being released for the hospital today. I'm not sure how I feel about it, there don't seem to be any answers, but it'll be good to have her home.

Happy 33rd Wedding Anniversary, Mom & Dad!

Congratulations & Best Wishes, Morgan & Drix, on you wedding!

I realize you were mugging for the camera because ShaeSin asked to you in this picture and you probably hate it, but for some reason it makes me smile when I see it, so I'm using it here. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

Last night included dinner and a show...

Where: In the middle of the sushi restaurant
When: After dinner (about 8:00)
Why: For $1.25

I know he thinks this is odd to have a website as a hobby when I spend so much time working with them as my job, but it's my time. I'll web it I want to...

I found out on Thursday that I'd been spotted at the State Fair by a friend of mine from college. We haven't spoken in years, but he saw me as I was leaving (he was arriving) and tracked down my email address. For those wondering, this wasn't someone I just knew, but someone I would claim as a friend and still will, despite his continued appreciation of Barry Manilow. (Shh, I occasionally play his music on my Rhapsody subscription, so I don't have any stones to throw on this one.)

I just signed my sister, RugRat, and nephew, Brett, (also known as my god-children) up on upromise.com, a program that works with companies to change a portion of what you already spend into their college savings. If you are interested in helping (costs you nothing) email me and I'll send you an invitation. You can attach credit cards, grocery store cards, aol accounts, etc, to their college accounts and the vendors you use do the rest.

ShaeSin has also signed up Sibling1 & Sibling2.

Neko was found under the Christmas tree when I returned home from Ohio. She stayed and enriched my home for another year after Brewster left us.

Neko
July 1997 - December 27, 2004

...are in the Holiday 2004 album.

Blue's cousin and new buddy, Toby

There is a sleepy kitty curled up against me. I started looking at cat breeds early last year and prompted by Blue�s positive interaction with Toby in Ohio, I intended to find him a playmate. This weekend�s mission was to check out a local cat show for Bengal kittens and if there were not any that I liked, continue the search at the local cat shelters. I didn�t make it to the shelter, which is probably good, since ShaeSin and I would have wanted to bring at least half of the cats home with us.

Mya and Blue seem to be getting along well so far. She hasn�t met Omega yet and won�t for at least a few more days. When I took Shae home, I left Mya set up in the downstairs bathroom with everything a new kitty could need. When I got home, I found her and Blue in the bathroom together. Apparently, Blue decided to help her bust out and they decided to chill together.

It has been a long stressful weekend for Mya. She arrived in Raleigh Friday with her sister, then spent most of the next three days in a loud and busy cat show. I�m not surprised that she�s crashed out. I�d be tired if I had to deal with all that too.

She�s acting a bit camera shy at the moment. I hope to have better pictures of her soon. Don't get confused, she's in both pictures.

I promised to send Mya's breeder an update after I took her to the vet

She seems to like the upstairs landing. When I got home from work today, she came to me and nudged me to pet her. She and Blue have been playing tag this evening and chasing each other in laps around my downstairs.

You'd be tired too if you spent the entire day tearing around the house...

To anyone putting positive energy out into the world:

A friend�s mother could use good will and wishes. Carmen had highly invasive surgery in February to remove the cancer. Actually, they could both use good energy as distance separates them and will keep them separate until April. He�s trying to come to terms with things from across the ocean and being apart at this time. Funny how people think that just because we�re adults this means we�re supposed to be able to handle things and keep it all together. I�m thinking that because we�re adults that means we should be able to remain minimally functional when life beats us up.

My well dressed nephew:

It has come to our attention that you are no longer filling your assigned role of all giving and ever bending source of all. In light of your shameful lack of responsibility, we demand that you forever foreswear the sacred name of Giving Tree and use another name that does not besmirch the shiny fluffy cuddliness that is engendered within the name G. Tree.

This missive actual comes at a convenient time, as traditionally, the bearer of the title Giving Tree will burn out from their all giving nature or have hacked themselves into little pieces in order to give something away to everyone they see at about your current age. In fact, the G. Tree Arborists Society has already identified your successor, so you need not fret that we�ll be without a G. Tree.

We suggest that you choose a name more closely associated with the person you have matured into. Something that draws upon the strength of character to stand against preconceived notions and to do what is right for the right reasons, even when others refuse to acknowledge the truth you see. It would appear that you have grown beyond the tender shoots that usually make up the Giving Tree and into something tougher and less bending. If you do not find a more suitable name, perhaps you shall be the tree that stands in the storm and chases away the clouds, in order to protect those who stand around you, helping you remain strong in the gale force winds.

Sincerely,
J Kudzo
President of the Giving Tree Arborists Society

Very pretty, thanks so much!
This was a really nice surprise to find after lunch today.

You can stop getting older any time you like. I'm a bit disturbed that you are 15 now. Most people only get reminded of how long they've been an adult ever 5 years or so, when they get invitations to their High School reunions. I get reminded every May...

Have fun today, I'll see you in 2 weeks. Blue is looking forward to seeing you again and Mya has been keeping watch out the windows.

Blue and Maddie

Yippee!! Where's the cart?

* * * Geek speak avoided. I almost titled this "Dragon(1+Fly)" * * *

Dominion posted...

Roar had good news on Monday in the form of a hard won promotion.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince arrived today. Rugrat has settled in for the duration. I just hope she's done a few days before George R. R. Martin's next book arrives on the 26th.

If you know ShaeSin, then know this: Shae is one of the best people I know and yesterday she made me proud. She told an undeserving company that she didn't want to play their toxic games any longer and quit. Companies like that don't deserve to have amazing people work for them.

Getting ready to send Rugrat back to Ohio this morning. She's heading home just in time to miss the 20 degree drop in the heat around here. Dang, when 95 looks better, that's insane.

What a difference a year makes, he's growing into a lovely cat.

This week


One year ago

Everyone once in a while something comes up where my help may actually be accepted and used, rather than being passed off and ignored.

I hear that you got put in a hard place this weekend, where you had not choice, but to listen to S1 talking negatively about Shae. I�m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you won�t have anything else like that to deal with, but it probably isn�t the last time that will happen.

Here�s the deal kiddo:

Shae loves S1 and S1 loves Shae.

Shae knows that S1 is creating a foundation for the rest of her life as an adult. From Shae�s point of view, she just wants S1 to have the smoothest transition into adulthood and wants S1 to take advantage of the experiences Shae had at that time in her life.

The thing is that from S1�s point of view, she�s an adult and part of being almost 20 is that she knows for a fact that in all things, she knows best. So Shae wants S1 to make decisions based on both of their experiences and S1 wants to make completely independent decisions. This causes conflict and S1 has to vent. She can�t vent to Shae, because S1 doesn�t want to have her mind changed and Shae will use logic to try and help S1.

Because S1 was living in Shae�s home, in S1�s mind, Shae became the controlling parent figure. Think about how much as S1 drove you crazy when she�d poking around in your business or telling you how to do anything. That is probably what S1 has been feeling.

The good news is that S1 and Shae will eventually grow beyond their current issues. Most likely this will be after S1 has had more time to get used to being an adult and realizes that sometimes it really sucks.

While it isn�t nice or pretty, S1 is growing up and she is learning how to be an adult. She�ll make some mistakes and if she�s like most of the people I�ve known (including me) she�ll make some pretty big mistakes while she�s learning. Some things you just have to learn the hard way. It isn�t the same things for everyone, but everyone has to learn something the hard way.

Shae knows that life is too short to be able to make all the possible mistakes yourself and wishes that S1 would let her point out some of the things that could make things hard.

So know that they love you and each other. That isn�t going to change, even if they get to a point where they have a hard time being in the same room. Most likely, you and S1 will have some friction like this too. At least that�s how it�s been for all of my siblings. It seems like as someone gets to the beginning of adulthood, they start having trouble getting along with whichever sibling is older and closest in age to them. As the oldest, I got to push against my parents, but Brother1 HATED me for quite a while. Brother1 drove Brother2 crazy. Brother2 used to drive Claire NUTS and Claire does the same thing to RugRat. It is the circle of family and on the positive side, you have two sisters, so you�ll always have at least one to talk with.

Anyway, I�m guessing you may have stopped reading already, but in case you haven�t. Keep your chin up Kiddo!

RedJen

Drop me a line before I think you're dead somewhere in a ditch and file a missing person's report with the local police. The required 48 hours have already gone by...

My parents celebrating their 34 th wedding anniversary.

Drix and Morgan celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary.

Love you all of you!

Blue wants to know if Toby and Alex made you one of these...

I was going to tell you that your gift was still in route, but since you didn't bother to show up for dinner (Dominion didn't either) ......

Love Ya, Lady!

How cute is this guy? I'm really looking forward to seeing him soon. Looking forward to seeing the rest of them too, but this one changes so much between vists that seeing him is an extra treat.

Mom, Dad, Rugrat, brother, sister-in-law and nephew all made it safe and sound to Raleigh. Everyone has been tucked in for the night and settled down to sleep.

(For the record, I decided against the grey stripes, but it was a really close call.)

I just found out the other night from my mom, that Claire's boyfriend was out to visit her over Easter. While he was there, she convinced him to go to the doctor for some issues he was having. Within a few days, he was in surgery for stage 2 cancer. From what I've been told, it could have been worse, it had spread to some of his lymph nodes, but not into his abdomen.

I haven't spoken to her, but this has got to be a huge ordeal for her (not to mention him). She's still in school full time and now he's going through chemo in Iowa, where she is his only support.

Hang tough girl!

You aren't supposed to be old enough to drive...

Rugrat & I drove out to the mountains, hope your day is great.

Duck, duck, happy day!

~ Love Aunt Jen

I just realized that two very special people mark today as the anniversary of their ordination.

Today is the 7th year for my father and the 1st for Dragonfly. Funny how I didn't realize it was the same day sooner.

You make the world a better place.

Prom pics in the Family album. (Check out the last one with the "View Panorama" link it's wild...)

A few new ones in the Me album as well.

Try not to get a sunburn out there this afternoon!

My favorite time of the summer is here. Since I can't afford another long vacation this year, I'm going to work 4 day weeks while she's here so we can do something every weekend.

The time has come for moping cats & floors to wax
A garage to clean & sorting things
With small despair at the work ahead
An old domicile to put to shining
A new to find & claim

The time has come for fond goodbyes
Our micro cosmos has run its course
This time the last where she comes as a child
When next we escape time will brand her an adult
The end of a cherished era

Time demands that the transition continue
Today I am not a friend of time for I wish to cling to now
But I will let her go and rejoice with her discoveries
Soon the world will have its say
But today, not yet today

I hope you're having a great day.

Has it really be a year already? It has been wonderful to see you both so happy. May you have many more happy years together.

Happy Anniversary Dragonfly & Tyrian!

Don't tell anyone, but it is Dragonfly's Birthday today...

Not much else to say about that one. Hope you have a great day.

About this time last year, I was making plans to simplify the things around my house that take up extra time. The whole housing bust had other ideas. So now it is a year later, I’m in the same location, but not exactly the same place.

After 9 months on the market, the house didn’t sell and I was feeling the strain of keeping the place perfect all the time. The cats were also showing signs of stress. The past 3 months have been a nice break even if I didn’t bring everything back into the house. If a garage sale didn’t take so much effort, I might have decreased the pile of boxes occupying the garage.

I’ve been working my way up to talking to a new therapist. I haven’t actually talked to her yet, but I broached the subject with GK and got an official referral. It may not sound like much, but it took me 2 months to figure out how I wanted to bring up the subject with GK in the first place. I keep getting stuck at the point where I say, “Hi, I’m a grown adult and I have no idea how to manage day to day and ongoing communication.” I’m not sure exactly how or where the conversation will lead, but I’ve decided to find out anyway.

I found out at the end of May that my doctor is leaving her current practice this fall, which means that I have to pick a new doctor. I’d only been seeing her for about a year, but I liked her and she saw me through a rather rough patch at the end of last year. This is actually more of a footnote than anything else. I called in Thursday for an appointment for an ear infection. She was on vacation, so they set me up with another doctor to get my ear treated. This is where things get interesting.

After she checked my ear and rechecked my blood pressure, made a tsk-tsk sound and asked if I had a nervous habit of scratching my arms. To such a pointed question, I have a hard time sidestepping the uncomfortable reality, so I admitted that I do and added that I was scratching at wax nodes that formed under my skin. That sent her back to my charts where she started underlining and circling numbers from the results of previous blood tests. By the time she got done, she told me some things that I haven’t been looking forward to hearing, but expected to come up sooner or later.

All of this is of course subject to change, but based on the information she had, she suspects that the wax nodes are actually fatty cholesterol depostis due to high levels of triglycerides in my system. They are called Xanthomas. They are both painless and benign, but may indicate underlying disorders. The treatment is to get control of blood lipids (triglycerides & cholesterol). The most likely suspect at this point is a metabolic disorder such as familial hypercholesterolemia. Hopefully there will be more answers when the latest round blood tests are back from the lab. Even without genetic testing, there are strong indicators that familial hypercholesterolemia is likely.

I’ve been trying to eat healthily for quite a while, so hopefully my diet won’t get too much more restricted. One thing I’m afraid of is that I may eventually be forced into a diabetic diet, but that hasn’t been brought up so far.

Such is the current mind and body updates. Growing older sucks.