RedJen's Rearview Mirror

This morning I watched the President of Pakistan, Pervex Musharraf, say that Benazir Bhutto caused her own death. What?!? Somehow I doubt that she pulled the trigger on the gun that shot and killed her.

Apparently after the claim that she died from an accidental fall fell on deaf ears, they needed a new idea.

I wish I could say that this was my interpretation of something, but I watched him say that it was her own fault in English.

Wow, I find myself tired and it is only January. Usually it takes until April for this type of blah to set in, sending notice of a real need for a break. Unfortunately, I don’t think this one is going to be fixed by taking a few days off from work. I’m just tired of being in limbo. I don’t do well in response to things being up in the air for too long a period of time.

I have a low, constant level of house stress as a result of trying to simplify down to something smaller, but being unable to actually move into a smaller place until after I can sell the current one. I believe I’ve realized the true trade off of home ownership. It isn’t that I have to do the maintenance; I can have someone else do that for me. It isn’t that a mortgage payment is generally a bit higher than monthly rent. The trade off is that I can’t wash my hands of a location after a set amount of time and make a change. If I could afford to pay 2 mortgages I’d move now, even if it meant renting a place for a few months. It would be worth it not to have to be constantly on alert in case someone wanted to see the place.

I’m considering moving into an apartment once the house sells to take a break. I remember fondly walking down to the apartment office and dropping off rent checks on the day they were due. This should tell you a little bit of how tired I’m feeling. Sure I lose the joy of ownership, but I’m not sure I want to make any long term decisions while I’m this tired.

I’m missing an outlet. I’m going to try and take half an hour during lunch everyday to just put down my thoughts. Whether I’ll be able to keep that up, I don’t know, but I figure anything is better than nothing and I need to have a place to vent, even if no one actually gets to see it.

Here I am on day 2 trying to make sure that I spend some time writing or otherwise expressing myself to vent off my stress. It is after 2pm and I'm just now getting around to even thinking about writing anything. I wonder if I can get a stress tap installed... When the stress level starts to get a bit high, half a turn to the left and stress is immediately lowered.