RedJen's Rearview Mirror

I’m running on short sleep today. Yesterday was blah, it had nothing to do with the people around me, the weather, work, taxes or my car. Sometimes biology just kicks you in the teeth and you just have to get through it. Last night I was wired until after 2 AM and then slept through my alarm for close to 2 hours. If I’m a little bleary today, people are going to have to bear with me.

I may have been hallucinating, but I swear I saw a man in the hallway with duck-butt feathered grey hair. Excuse me, 1977 called and asked that if you want to wear the hair, it should be some color other than grey.

Classic Story Role:

Kind of Geek:

Math/Science Geek

What Kind of Geek Are You?
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Quote:

Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall" by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strength can only be seen when a person has "fallen". Only then one can tell how they will handle it. Just don't make others fall so you can know who they really are. You on the other hand may be a very quick recoverer and don't let people bring you down. You are your own, and you're fine with that. Emotional issues is something you handle rather nicely.

What wise quote fits you?
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The weekend was busy. My house is a wreck. I'm worn out. It was nice to see them, but now I need a vacation.

Woke up to my neighbor knocking on the door to let me know that my yard was a swamp. I turned the water to the house off at the shutoff valve and called for a plumber. It could be much worse, it is a busted pipe, but it can be replaced and nothing has to be torn apart.

Maybe Shae & I should look into this line of work. I think we'd make great "Life Coaches".

1. When your internal dialogue gets hijacked by your concerns about what your readers will think, you may have burnout.
2. When you are afraid to write down what you are truly thinking about at that moment.
3. When you believe the lie that some people just aren’t capable of good writing.
4. When you believe the lie that there is a certain way that you "should" write anything.
5. When you get more involved in punctuation, spelling, or aesthetics than saying what you want to say.
6. When you get caught up in traffic, hits, popularity, readers, and/or fame.
7. When you believe the lie that what you think doesn’t matter.
8. When you believe the lie that what you’re about to say has been said before and/or written down better.
9. When you forget that most ideas can be expressed in less than 15 minutes.
10. When you don’t set aside a little bit of time each day to update your blog.

If your blog feels more like a "have to" instead of a "get to" you’re writing about the wrong things.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed.
{A} Almost Boobs..
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Blue and Maddie

Yippee!! Where's the cart?

* * * Geek speak avoided. I almost titled this "Dragon(1+Fly)" * * *

I'm still debating whether or not I cheated on my entries for the 2nd half of last week. I wrote, found or planned them on the dates they are posted, but I didn't actually post them until later. In my defense, I just did a complete site backup and I'm getting ready to upgrade the level of MovableType that I use to generate 99% of the content. I also finally got tired of people using my Guestbook to try and steal traffic, so I've converted that to MT as well.

Dear Intervention Group – I have an appointment to see a Dermatologist tomorrow morning.

Skin - has similarities to acne and psoriasis, but isn’t either. Doctor says can be taken care of with some time and treatment. Apparently I’ve had it for quite some time, but the time I spent as a lifeguard helped keep it in check. That is because sun exposure is one of the ways to treat it. Having a desk job for the last 8 years has kept me out of the sunshine and let it get more obvious.

Friday – I get to meet my long distance IM/email friend. We’ve never met, but spent a good amount of time chatting online and through email. I have to admit, I’m looking forward to putting a face and voice to the name and words.

ShaeSin & Dragonfly - actually managed to talk to both of them within a single 24 hour period. Trust me, with the schedules we're on, this was impressive.

Seek out a new friend with similar interests to yours. Certain activities are always more fun with someone special by your side.

(Glad I didn't see this until now...)

New photos coming, but not until I get back on a high speed connection.

The skies are glorious, the weather a dream and I'm climbing out of a meltdown. How pathetic am I? I'm hiding out from my own vacation in a Barnes&Noble half an hour away. I've agreed to go back in time for dinner, but that's it. Of course that wouldn't even be necessary if the other car didn't have a flat tire. My angst probably hasn't registered at all to the one who pushed it over the edge. I don't know if it should even matter anymore. That's a lie, it shouldn't matter anymore. I'm just having trouble convincing myself of that.

I feel like a complete fraud trying to play the part of an adult and failing completely in the process. I don't know what else to do, but throw in the towel and surrender. I want to be able to say I'm done with this ride. I want to be able to say that this one opinion is not enough to bring my emotions crashing down into the dirt. Maybe this time I'll actually be able to make myself accept it. I know that there are people in this world that I'll never be able to please. No matter have hard I try or how well I do, I will never rate as a decent human being. I don't want to have to put this person on that list. It isn't fair! This is one of the few people that should never even be a candidate for that list.

Damn it, I deserve to be treated like a human being at the very least. I have a dry sense of humor that should be familiar. I deserve to be more than an afterthought. I try so freaking hard to make you happy, but I've come to the conclusion that I will never be able to do that for you. I keep setting myself up and it is the indifference that keeps knocking me down. I watch you be enthusiastic over a gift or thought from someone else when only months before I had given you the same only to be met with an indifferent "humph". I watch you try things proposed by someone else, but turn your back on my suggestions.

I've often said I'd rather be silent than ignored. I think I just found out where that came from. If I don't put myself in front of you, you can't ignore what doesn't exist. I guess it is time to put my money where my mouth is and let it go. If nothing is ever enough, then there is no point in me trying. According to the rules, I can't win this race. The outcome is fixed and there are no points for a good try. You can have my number back. I won't need it anymore. (I'd say not to expect me at the next race, but I'm convinced that you never look for me anyway.)

Well little one, I've tried my hardest to keep you with me, but it is time to start letting you go. You hold almost all of my idealistic dreams, but they seem to have turned into naive and wishful thinking. You were a good bedtime story to my inner child, but it is time for me to get a new book. I'm too tired to pick you up again when your dreams get dropped in the dust. Picking you up leaves my heart crushed. If I'm going to be responsible for my own happiness, I can't have you in the front lines being hurt. You are a fairy tale and belong in the land of make believe, so off to sleep little one, I hope your dreams are happy ones.

I'm fine, which is to say I won't be hurting myself or anyone else and while I did go to the mall, I have not spent myself into the poor house. This is just a bad day. I'll be back tomorrow evening.

I'm sitting the in airport making site updates. Hopefully all the flights will be on time today...

In yesterday's entry, "little one" is the part of me that wants something that I've wanted for as long as I can remember. I've let that part of myself remain open to being hurt and it has happened over and over again.

Evidently, if one plane is late in this airport, all flights are late in this airport. We'll be getting in about 2 hours later than we were supposed to because our original connecting flight will be leaving 10 minutes before we land in Dallas.

...time to sleep.

Later all...

(Click either of the pics to go to the Colorado Album.)

Also today: Updated MovableType and Gallery versions.

Friday night was just what I needed. I got to spend real quality time talking with the girls. It still seems almost surreal that I have "girls".

I have put David's Bridal on my personal form of probation. When you go to as much trouble as I did to keep a specific piece of information from someone in order to do something special for someone, it sucks when the people who are supposed to be helping let the cat out of the bag. They are supposed to be bringing people's dreams to life and such. If I want to play fairy godmother, they shouldn't be screwing it up.

Oh yeah, if the person responsible for the fortune cookie that arrived with the Chinese food last night would fess up, that would be nice. Unless someone was taping Friday night, I'm not sure how else this ended up at my house.

"You have the rare ability to recognize ability in others."

Um, take out the word rare and change the tense of the sentence and I'm fairly sure I said that Friday night.

...of something to write about today. I was driving into the office and it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then I lost it...