RedJen's Rearview Mirror

I’ve spent the last month feeling completely drained. I’ve been tired and unable to get enough sleep, even though I’ve been getting eight hours of sleep every night. I’m feeling dissatisfied with myself physically. My weight is the highest that it has ever been and right now the reason it bugs me is that I need to either drop some weight or go buy a new clothes. Being in a bit of a funk and trying to reduce my spending, I’m leaning toward losing the weight, because it is theoretically cheaper. Normally I enjoy shopping, but really have no desire to shop for anything beyond the absolute necessities.

I’ve got to wonder if this is a yearly cycle that I’m going through. Last May, I took a week off to do nothing and really did nothing. It may be that this is just a result of being stressed by people outside my department asking for impossible results that have no chance of being done when or how they want. My to-do list seems to have a life of its own. Friday, for the first time in a quite a while, when I rewrote my list to clean off the completed items, it was actually shorter than the original one copied it over from. I have to admit, being able to cross items off my list has kept me motivated on more than one occasion.

Oh well, I finally remembered that my doctor had prescribed some of my medication so that I could alter the dosage for short periods of time in the event that I needed a slight boost. I’m feeling more alert and given that I’ve been going to bed late this weekend, I think that may have been the right course of action.

I wonder what my biorhythmic chart would say about where I am now. On a scale of 0 to 100, I’d say Physical – 0 (low), Emotional – 0 (low), Mental – 25 (mid-low). I think my mental energy has been building slowly the last two weeks, I only hope it continues. I’m really hoping that my Physical and Emotional energies are ready to increase. I could use something to get out of this rut, especially before summer gets into full swing and I have to decide on whether to continue cutting costs or spend money on clothes that I will hopefully be giving to charity before the end of the year.

We can only change the things that we can affect. When I don't like how something is occurring, the best course of action is to identify the things I can influence and put my energy there.

(or I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For)

Ever get to the point where you don’t know where to start and you get stuck on that question? Things that shouldn’t be urgent or critical suddenly become overblown and insane. That is definitely a case of been there/done that for me. When I get to that point, it is a sure sign that there is something bothering me or I’ve slipped into a depressive cycle. If I’m lucky, something will be bothering me and I can deal with it before I end up in a depressive cycle.

Don’t send in the guys with the white coats, I’m still feeling pretty okay. A friend of mine appears to be climbing out of one of these cycles. Before anyone starts to wonder, if you’re reading this, I can say with 99.99% confidence that it isn’t you.

(The rest of this gets long. This is your only warning...)

I ran across this and for some reason thought of you: Click Here

Imagine this...

The medical field has recently becoming more open to the idea that since our body's chemistry isn't static (it cycles, especially in women), the medicines taken to adjust body chemistry should perhaps also be altered to adjust for these changes.

Evidently the clue fairy has been making house calls.

"BRING ME ALL YOUR FLOWERS NOW"

I would rather have a single rose
From the garden of a friend,
Than have the choicest flowers,
When my stay on earth must end.

I would rather have the kindest words
Which may now be said to me,
Than flattered when my heart is still-
And this life has ceased to be.

I would rather have a loving smile
From the friends I know are true,
Than tears shed 'round my casket,
When this world I've bade adieu!

Bring me all your flowers,
Whether pink, or white, or red.
I'd rather have one blossom now
Than a truck load when I'm dead!

-R.D. RICHARDS

First, I don't think that the government should be paying for Viagra for convicted sex offenders. That being said, someone needs to start checking the estimates generated by New York and the Media.

Who is teaching math to the media and government whistle blowers in New York? It has been made public that the State of New York has been covering prescription Viagra for approximately 150 convicted sex offenders. It has been announced that because New York has 150 cases of this, that there has got to tens of thousands throughout the United States. My brain has an issue with this math.

Let's assume that the State of New York is the average for the United States. Personally I assume that New York has higher than average numbers in the case of most things related to population, but the sake of argument and especially in the case of bad news, I'd prefer to generate an estimate that has a good chance of being higher than the reality.

If NY is average for a US state and there are 50 states, 150 multiplied by 50 should generate the average number of convicted sex offenders who are having Uncle Sam pay for their Viagra.

150 x 50 = 7500

Seven thousand five hundred is 2500 short of 10,000 and 12,500 short of 20,000, which is the minimum required before you have "tens of thousands".

7500 + 12,500 = 20,000

In order to generate the minimum 20,000 cases needed to have "tens of thousands" of these cases, there would have to be an average of 400 cases per state. That's more than double the number for cases found in New York. (It’s actually 2 2/3 times the number in New York.)

Only two states have greater populations than New York, California and Texas. The State of New York is home to about 6% of the population of the United States. If there are 150 cases in New York and a minimum of 20,000 cases in the US, then less than 1% of all convicted sex offenders live in New York. Somehow this doesn’t add up to me.

Is this news? Sure, but can we get a little perspective here? Let's get the loophole closed, but can we drop the exaggerated numbers? I mean really, is the State of Rhode Island filled by nothing but convicted sex offenders?

The Rose

Some say love, it is a river,
That drowns the tender reed;
Some say love, it is a razor,
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
And endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
Or the road has been too long,
Then it seems that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.
Just remember, in the winter,
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes the rose.

- Amanda McBroom, recorded by Bette Midler

Very pretty, thanks so much!
This was a really nice surprise to find after lunch today.

This little guy is the son of one of the guys who work in my department. At our last department outing, he was my "secret helper". He was in charge of listening for the special jingle sound that would tell us that a Baseball Bingo number was about to show on the secondary score board at the stadium.

I absolutely love kids at his age. They are the coolest little people around. This is probably why I've always said if I adopt a child, I'll try to find one in the age range of 3-5. Of course if the whole wedding thing had worked out when it was originally planned, there would have been a better chance of having one of my own. So I've found the one downside to not going through with it. I suppose if I'm going to be a single mom, I'd rather do it on my terms than on someone else's whim.

Somehow yesterday turned into posting not only what was going on, but also the pictures of Blue in the box and my baseball pal.

Hey Mom, thanks for everything, although I still contest your statement that I was two days late in my initial arrival.

A warning to parents, if you insist on telling your children that they were born late, make sure that they can't count the days from your wedding and say, "Nope, I was right on time."

You can stop getting older any time you like. I'm a bit disturbed that you are 15 now. Most people only get reminded of how long they've been an adult ever 5 years or so, when they get invitations to their High School reunions. I get reminded every May...

Have fun today, I'll see you in 2 weeks. Blue is looking forward to seeing you again and Mya has been keeping watch out the windows.

I’m not sure exactly what today will bring, but it is time to get ready to face the day. Off to buff, scrub and polish…

Good luck is not to be underestimated; you'll find yourself thanking your lucky stars on more than one occasion.
--
So far the day has been pleasant. Actually the whole extended weekend has been nice. I’ve gotten to sleep in late and do a lot of relaxing. I selfishly wish that Saturday could have been extended. While I will thoroughly enjoy the thoughtful gifts, I would easily trade them for a few more hours together with that group of people. It is so rare anymore to get almost all of my favorite people in a single place. It was that everyone made time at the same time, that I found most special. Having everyone together and laughing was the best part of my birthday lunch.

I loved the ecards and the package from my parents and Rugrat. The kid was right, the two Muppet Movies were a good call. I've even updated my list to take them off of the "Movies to get" list.

So far today I'm chilling on the deck, reading and just being. It is nice.

Craving chocolate & steak, draw your own conclusions...