RedJen's Rearview Mirror

My poor little kitty hasn’t been feeling well lately. It took a bit to decipher which cat was feeling poorly, but Thursday night it became apparent that it was Brewster. He’s lost a lot of weight, to the point that when you pet him, you can feel him spine all the way down his back. I took him to the vet on Friday morning and the vet ran a few tests to discover what the problem is. It turns out that Brewster has developed diabetes. His blood sugar was over 500 and it is supposed to be closer to 100. Luckily, he doesn’t have any toxins in his urine, so the vet expects that I’ll be able to control it by changing his diet. We’ll know more in about two weeks when we go back in for a checkup. The diet change is okay for Omega and Neko too. While my cat food bill is going to go UP, I won’t have to figure out a way to feed Brewster separately from the other two. So after 3 days on the new diet, Brewster is still acting a bit listless, but has been eating well and hasn’t been sick or had any accidents in the house. The change in diet seems good for Brewster, which is good for me.

I spent last week on vacation and in Bartending School. Being on vacation was great, no work, late gym times, lots of laughing, good stuff. I am going to have to make time to get back to the Bartending School to take my test, as I was at the vet with Brewster on Friday when I was supposed to originally, but I should be able to do that in the evening this week. Friday night, ShaeSin and I were able to show off our new skills at our Halloween Party. The party wasn’t as wild as the Triple Threat Birthday party, but still much fun. I’ll be adding the pictures once I get them assembled. Now to finish the clean up and get some sleep. Monday morning is going to be early tomorrow.

I still haven’t received a response from the people hosting this site. Until mid last month, I hadn’t experienced any problems with this company, but lately I’m been highly dissatisfied with them. Unless something happens soon, I may be changing providers.

Today the world lost an incredible woman. Just before 3:00 PM my beloved Aunt Pat passed away and left behind the pain of her cancer to go on into the rest and joy she has earned. The rest of the world may call her Sister Justine, but to me she will always be my Aunt Pat. There aren’t many people like her around. One of the best compliments I ever received was from her. She asked me what I did at work and as I described my job, she got a smile on her face and said something about how down to earth I was. I was telling her about coordinating international conference calls and negotiating worldwide software requirements.

Goodbye, I know you’ll be keeping an eye on us. God speed and much love.

The sun came up today and I’ve been touched by people wanting to make sure I’m okay. I’m emotionally drained and I’m done crying for now. It remains to be seen what going home will bring, but I’ll find out on Wednesday.

I’m heading off for Ohio. I’m not sure how much I’ll feel like writing while I’m gone, but I guess we’ll all find out soon enough. (laugh)

Now I remember why I prefer to drive long distances with someone else in the car. Driving in the rain still sucks, but the trip was pretty uneventful. I forgot how many nuns there are at the Mother House. I had no idea that I’d see so many familiar faces at the wake/calling hours. I even saw the teacher (singular) that I had for the 5th and 7th grades. I still wish I’d gotten to talk to Pat before she passed, but the last time I saw her she was smiling.

It is hard to be strong when the strong people around you are not. Today was the funeral and burial Mass for my Aunt. Things started getting hard when they closed her casket. In typical Pat style, there were balloons decorating the chapel. The hardest thing about the day was watching the members of my family. Seeing the way my grandmother’s hands shook as she helped to drape the casket. Hearing the catch in my uncle’s voice as he read the reading Pat had picked for him to read. Watching the tears on my father’s face as he read the Gospel and fought the grief of losing his sister. Knowing that she has moved beyond the pain and to a better place, but aching to have her among us.

She chose the theme of “Life, Death, Life” for the day and started us out with a story of the rebirth of a dragonfly. She ended our stay in the chapel by giving us each a balloon and asking that we fill it up with our breath, our life and then do something creative with it.

I saw a stone in the cemetery at the Mother House. It read, “I fear not my sister Death.” Her order is very much aware of the cycles of life and she has been sent on to the next.

It was a day filled with many tears, but also a day for celebrating the end of a journey. It is time to be happy for her, while we greave that she is no longer among us.

The dragonfly had bright-blue sapphire wings and a long graceful body, which was made to fly. Wind to thy wings.

There’s nothing like being in Columbus on a football Saturday. Everyone’s favorite colors become a sea of Scarlet and Grey. It is almost like watching a pilgrimage as rivers of people flow into Ohio Stadium and become a single entity poised to raise their voices to support the Buckeyes.

The Good:
The energy of the crowd
The sound of the cheering
The crisp taste of the air

The Bad:
November in Ohio is COLD!

Go Buckeyes!

Going away really does make you appreciate coming back. So here I sit engulfed in cat fur as my cats remind me that petting them is much more important than any silly computer. All the cats are accounted for. Clif and I had an uneventful drive back from Ohio. Tomorrow begins a new week and a return back to day-to-day life. I still need to make arrangements to take my bartending test and catch up with some people that I dropped rather suddenly to travel to Ohio, but I’m okay and things will sort themselves out as needed.

I was sent this as an email, but decided to put the answers here rather than send it as an email. I haven’t altered the questions or the directions in the event that someone would like to use it as an email meme later. Try filling it out yourself. If you like, post it here as a comment to this post. Just remember to have fun with it.

How much do we actually know about our friends?

The time is approximately 6:15 p.m. Two women and one man walk into a bar. The women order Coca-Cola and sandwiches. The man orders sweet tea. After enjoying dinner, at approximately 6:45 p.m. one woman begins feeling dizzy, having stomach pains and heads for the restroom. Suspecting that it is a new medication, the other woman and man, though concerned are not alarmed. At approximately 7:00 p.m. the second woman begins to feel dizzy and light headed.

After a time, the issues seem to pass, although both women now have a slightly sore throat. So what caused this weird coincidence? Was it a coincidence? Is it food poisoning? Is it the beginning of something even better and longer lasting?

Commonalities: Coca-Cola, female, baked sandwiches (though different kinds) and a rather common medication.

Tomorrow morning will lend to more information, hopefully good news.

Current state of things: Tired, but okay.

I’ve taken the lack of response by the Zanuc support team to the Better Business Bureau. We’ll see what happens. If for some reason you come back to my site and find nothing here, I’ll be back up as soon as possible.

What really sucks in all of this is that I didn’t have ANY problems with this group for six months, then all of a sudden I can’t get anyone to answer emails and either they no longer have a phone or it has been relocated by the Federal Witness Protection Program.

... or RedJen the Almighty, either will do...

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer:	the Entire World, except for a small group of rebels who live in a secret underground city near the Earth's core.
Your title will be:	Tsar
You will succeed by:	Spamming them into submission.
Your Enforcers will be:	Jem Hadar (from Star Trek, Deep Space Nine).
Your first act as ruler:	Impose World Peace.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

The short form is I'm going good. I had about as good a trip to see family as can be possible with a funeral involved. The funeral was an incredible letting go experience. My aunt was sick for about 3 years and in a lot of pain. It was good to be able to say goodbye to her. That and she made a point of writing us a letter that was read saying she still loved us and that she was happy where she was now. Very nice to get permission to be happy for her, even while missing her.

You have successfully reached the new location of my site. Hopefully this change will happen quickly and without a lot of drama. :)

The first set of Halloween pictures have been uploaded to the photo album. I'm expecting more of them, but I wanted to get some out where they could be seen. Enjoy

Brewster was back at the vet on Friday for a check up to see if changing his diet was having any effect on his blood sugar levels. The good news is that his levels were down close to 150 points. The bad news is that his levels were still about 450, which is 3 times where they should be. From what my vet has said, cats do not do well with insulin injections, so as long as his blood sugar levels are going down, we are going to stay with the modified diet in the hope that it will go down to a much more acceptable level. Personally, my idea of fun does not include chasing Brewster around twice a day with a needle, so good thoughts against the diabetes please…

Neko & Omega had their check up at the vet Saturday morning. Both were announced to be fine, if in need of a bit more exercise. They were given their yearly booster shots and sent back home no worse for wear.

I’m afraid that I may not be able to travel up to Ohio for the Christmas holidays this year. There is still a chance that I may be able to do it, but I’m not going to count on it at this point. I think I’m coming to realize why we didn’t see my uncle’s family every year while we were growing up. Buying the house has put a squeeze on things, especially since I wasn’t expecting to do it until next year. Part of this will depend on whether or not I have the cushion to replace my water heater. I suspect that I’ll have to replace it within the next 3 to 6 months, so if I don’t have the “extra” money to be able to do that, travel to Ohio may be a luxury I won’t be able to risk. So the U. S. Postal Service and I are going to be getting on good terms very soon. That or I’ll be ordering everything and having it shipped to the appropriate people.

While missing the family celebration will be hard, this past year has been very positive as far as my relationships here in North Carolina are concerned. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I have people here that I can turn to without question for support.

(Aside grumble: I really wish that the sucky Zanuc server hadn’t eaten a week of my journals last month, because there was one dealing with my feelings on being different growing up and being all too human as a result. It was hard for me to write and I’m hoping against all odds that I will eventually get it back.)

So while I may not be able to look forward to spending the holidays with my immediate family, I know that I won’t be spending them wondering whether or not my presence makes a difference to the people I care for down here.

One thing that keeping up with my journal has helped with is that my friends who have taken to reading it have learned more about me and how I react to things. This includes how I internalize things and that while I may not be demonstrative in public, I do feel things very deeply and I don’t choose the people I associate with lightly. It has also given my friends the opportunity to empathize with things going on with me, which isn’t always very easy given that my first reaction to just about anything is to internalize and analyze before anything else.

I would have expected the roles to be reversed, even had that been the case, I'm not sure I would be able to explain this...

The good news is that the support people at www.eNom.com, the registrar that Zan-Suck is a reseller for modified my domain registration so that I could update the information on it myself. If all goes well within the next couple of hours my domain should be resolving correctly. Once that’s done, I can start working on operation www.zan-suck.com.

It begins...

http://cp3.zanuc.com/~redjen/

There is a huge difference between forming an opinion and being judgmental. If I form an opinion of someone based on what I observe of his or her behavior, then my opinion has a basis in reality. If on the other hand, I choose to immediately classify people based solely on their outward appearance, ignoring their actions, is this not being judgmental?

My mom used to be fond of saying, “Give them enough rope and they will hang themselves.” Rather than assuming that people must be classified immediately and risking being wrong, wouldn’t it be easier to just let people be themselves and judge them on their actions?

Judgment is exploring a topic from as many side as are available and then forming a conclusion based on the information discovered. Judgmental is ignoring the individual in lieu of some stereotype.

Sleepy

Note to self: Posting at midnight, after a drama incident and when you are falling asleep where you sit may lead to poorly phrased posts that may be misinterpreted.

So for the record, the “Judg- (-mental or -ment)” post had nothing to do with the evening’s drama event. I was reading something yesterday about INTJs and how they are known to make snap decisions that are judgments, but not judgmental. This action is often misunderstood and taken as being judgmental, because for all but one other type (INFJ) a similar reaction would most likely be a judgmental action.

I've actually been kicking around (be it rather ineffectively) in my head the difference between the two for most of the week and nothing that happened last night triggered it.

I'm trying to deal with if or how to broach the actions of someone that appears to be judgmental to me. I have a hard time respecting judgmental decisions, as they either ignore facts or are made prematurely. I have a hard time understanding why someone would want to continue to make those types of decisions. At the same time, I make very instinctive judgments myself, so for me to bring up the subject is awkward because it could lead to a situation that may come down to “I can make instinctive decisions, but you can’t.” That just won’t work.

There is a chance that it wouldn’t come down to such a double standard, as when I make an instinctive decision, I rarely express it until I some empirical data to back up my instincts. I think this is why the “give them enough rope” concept works for me. When I have negative instincts about something, most of the time I’m hoping that I’ll be proven wrong, so I’ll keep an eye on things, but I don’t want to influence anyone unduly incase I am wrong. Heck, I didn’t tell my parents when I started having serious doubts about my engagement for fear of setting up bad feelings between my parents and my fiancé should we work things out. Darn annoying principle to let people make up their own minds about things.

So it isn't Monday, but I thought this was a interesting Meme from PromoGuy's Monday Mission 3.46

1. I read an article that said the reason many people like hot and spicy food is because that pain actually causes them pleasure. Do you personally find a connection between pleasure and pain?
Some times.

2. On the local NPR station there was a news item that about a recent study which said men who do housework get more sex. What do you think about that? Why would that be the case?
I'd suspect that it is true. A single man who does housework is more likely to have a clean bedroom, which could lead to more sex. A married man who does housework is more likely to have a relaxed wife, which would be more open to the idea of having sex.

3. A friend and I were talking about the stigma attached to divorce. He said that men can usually be divorced and not have much social backlash, but that women are often looked at as having failed in some way. The church especially, he said, tended to look down upon divorced women as if it were totally their fault and not the man's. Do you think there is a double-standard when it comes to men and women and the stigma of divorce?
I suspect that that there is a stigma attached to the women, as it is a general opinion that it is always the woman who wants to be married. So if it is the woman who wants to be married, it must be the woman who failed. Men cheat because they can't get what they need at home, which implies that the woman has failed. I will say that those opinions are a complete crock of bull and ridiculous.

4. On that same topic, I just read an article (look on Google News) that said parents with daughters are more likely to divorce than parents with sons. Do you think there is any validity to this?
Given that there are laws that allow a man in China to divorce his wife if she has a daughter, rather than a son and China is the most populous State on the planet, there may be some truth to this statement.

5. Do you think the way a Father raises his daughter has an impact on the type of men she will eventually have relationships with?
Yes, I think it has a large impact on her relationships with men in general and most definitely on the ones she will have romantic relationships with.

6. Have you ever found your body craving some sort of food? Meat, chocolate, fruit and even water, the body tends to know what it needs. Do you get food cravings? Which are the most powerful?
Yes, I've had food cravings for red meat, sweets, dark chocolate, milk and water. The most powerful for me are red meat and milk.

7. Do you have any type of skills you can "fall back on" if you needed to change careers suddenly?
Yes, I'm a trained bartender, lifeguard, swimming and lifeguard instructor. I could always go into teaching as a math teacher. I can do web design, free lance programming or tech support. I can touch type, fix office equipment and decipher legal research. I've taught aerobics, step aerobics and aqua aerobics. I've considered going into career coaching as a career change, but I don't know where to start to get on that career path. I'm not sure I'm willing to take the pay cut to use my other fall back skills, but I have them.

BONUS: Ain't that a shame? Nope.

Three new pages of Halloween pictures have been added to the Halloween ablum. The Halloween ablum is on the Photo Album page. The new pictures start on page 5.

Sitting by the lake, soaking up the sun and talking with a friend. How often do you see a dragonfly in late November? I saw one Saturday morning, as I sat there in the sun.

Gemini: Stop trying to solve everyone's problems today Cappy. You'll only exhaust yourself in the end. Let it go. You don't have to save the day all the time. Besides, there are better things that you can do with your time.

Since my mom is going to ask, yes, the Wish List (to the side under Meet RedJen) is up to date in so much as I've removed anything that I've broken down and bought for myself.

The County of Los Angeles has taken a break from trying to regulate your bedroom and has instead moved inside your hardware.

Will there be a new Emancipation Proclamation?

PromoGuy's Monday Mission 3.47

1. What do you do to get warm when you are very cold?
I like to light a fire in the fireplace, make hot chocolate, wrap up in blankets and read a book.

2. What is the first thing you do in the morning after you get up?
I scratch Brewster, Neko and Omega behind their ears, then go downstairs and feed them.

3. Do you remember the very first video game you ever played (arcade, handheld, console, etc.)? What do you remember about that experience?
The first video game I ever played was Pong. I remember intently watching the blip ricochet across the screen and the sound of the game.

4. Do you have a good memory or do you find that you need to write things down to remember them?
It depends on what it is. I have a very good memory for dates and will often remember birthdays after hearing them once. I?m good with remembering personal things about people I care about. At work I need to write things down more often as things become more hectic and I am likely to get information more quickly than I can absorb at a single time.

5. What are some of your all-time favorite television commercials?
Coca-Cola Polar Bears, Budweiser Frogs, M&M?s holiday

6. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving food that is made by one person, and no one makes it better?
No one make noodles like my grandma?s noodles. She told me how to make them and it is deceptively simple. I may even try to make them during the holidays this year, so far no one has been able to duplicate grandma?s results, but we are hopeful that someone will be able to soon.

7. Are you planning to switch cell phone companies as a result of this new law, or possibly pit two companies against each other for a better deal?
I?m not planning to, but once my current contract runs out I will be doing some comparative shopping to make sure I am getting a good deal.

BONUS: Where? North Carolina

Today's Comment Question: What should be free, but isn't? Owning pets Can someone explain to me why I get taxed for having each cat?

A short and incomplete list of things I am thankful for:

• A loving family who miss me when I’m not around


• Loving friends who jump to adopt me when I will not be spending holidays with my family


• Living in a place where I have the freedom to be an independent woman, freedom of speech and the freedom to worship


• A relatively stable job that supports my habits and hobbies


• My home and my pets


• Access to medical attention (for me and my pets)


• Overall good health

I took Brewster back into the vet this afternoon to recheck his blood sugar levels. Again they are down from two weeks ago, but still not low enough. His level today was 391, which is down from 450 two weeks ago and over 500 four weeks ago. An extra bonus is that he hasn’t lost any more weight either. He’s holding steady at 7.5 lbs.

So the news is positive and hopeful!

After being gone for a month as a hiatus (dropout), I went back today to brush up on my drinks and get ready for the final written and practical exams. I was going to go back tomorrow and take the test, but after everyone else left and I found out the instructor would have to be there until 10:00 pm. I decided to go ahead and take the written test, figuring that if I didn’t pass, I could go back to my original plan. I passed the written test and completed my practical exam in the required time.

I now have an official certificate saying that I have graduated from Bartending School. Now the only question is should I have it framed and put up next to my OSU diploma at home or at work?

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but its time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there’s no guarantees, but I’m not alone
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I’ve loved like I should but lived like I shouldn’t
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I’m movin’ on

I’m movin’ on
I’m movin’ on

RealPlayer audio clip
Full (passable) recording in Windows Media Player format

Recorded by Rascal Flatts
Written by Phillip White & Vincent Williams

I really wanted to sit down during this holiday weekend, think about the things I’m thankful for and express them in a coherent entry. Unless something happens in the next 26 hours, that isn’t going to happen this weekend. I’ve had a pretty good extended weekend. It hasn’t been conducive to inspired writing. I’m functional again, just not quite inspired.

I had a very nice Thanksgiving dinner with a friend’s family. It was almost like being at Grandma S’ house for a holiday, only there weren’t as many people crammed into the house. We even watched the Lions play and win.

One thing I am thankful for currently is a lack of “high drama” in my immediate life. I have friends who are going through extreme drama in different areas of their lives and I don’t envy them the experience. Their drama makes my being unable to go up to Ohio for Christmas seem small in comparison. I can schedule an off holiday trip to Ohio to see my family, but their drama isn’t going to be handled by simply rescheduling a trip. So this year I’ll be mailing gifts to Ohio and ordering gifts online that will be sent directly to people. Sure I’m disappointed, but considering the reason I won’t be able to go to Ohio again so soon is that I just bought a house, I don’t think I’m doing too bad here.

I am the anti-drama queen, to the point where I’ve been told I tend to keep people calm around me. Am I boring or what? Not that boring is bad in this case.

The trip to Ohio is back on, although short. My brother and sister-in-law have decided that it is important that I be there for Brett’s Baptism (okay, I am going to be his godmother), so my parents are going to play fairy godparents are buying me a plane ticket for my Christmas present and making everyone happy. It’ll be a short trip, but I’m very happy that it’s going to happen. I won’t be home on Christmas, but I’ll be there in the general timeframe.