RedJen's Rearview Mirror

I’m not sure what types of planetary alignments are forming, but goodness gracious things are crazy all around. It’s like there’s something in the water, driving everyone nuts lately. Almost makes me wonder if people have been taking note lately of strong women and specifically targeting them for drama.

I probably should have mentioned this sooner, but it was just this week brought glaringly to the surface. Neither I, nor any of my close female friends are what could be considered a typical female. As such, we can’t always answer why women in general do certain things.

So Monday night I was asked what advice I would give to a younger male friend about how to attract a quality woman. As this is a topic ShaeSin and I have discussed at length in reference to our friends, I actually have a decent idea on this one. Regardless of everything else, if you want to be in a quality relationship, get yourself to a point where you can be a quality contributor yourself. The short form: have a job, be able to support yourself, be able to take care of yourself, take care of the important things and be real with yourself about who you are.

Shae’s convinced that we need to start looking at “older” men. Of course what she’s calling older, I’m calling just about right. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lack of single heterosexual men in their thirties who are also strong enough of character to take on any of us. I think we hit on the real issue the other day. We are looking at a very small selection on available men. In order for us to respect a man, he’s going to have to be strong in character, comfortable around strong women and self-sufficient. The down side for us is that the male pool that we are starting with is much smaller than the female pool that those same men have access to. While we would rarely consider the checkout guy at the grocery store as possible date material, our target male audience would probably not have the same reservations.

Times like this life would be easier if we were actually men. When we act aggressively, we are being bitches. When we act in a commanding manner, we are control freaks. Too bad our strengths get minimized and we get judged on things we can’t control. (grr)

So today I’m grateful to be breathing easier than I have in a while, literally. Today I’m grateful that when I cough, I don’t go into an uncontrollable spasm. Today when I cough, I can breathe in deeply and stop. Today when I cough, it has a purpose, because my body is expelling the “junk” it collected by getting sick. I have to say I’m glad that it’s finally breaking up, because I hate being sick and long recoveries just don’t sit well with me either. I’m bad at convalescing. Once I’ve caught up on my sleep I don’t want to lay around anymore.

Current to do list:
Unpack and arrange contents of the bookcases
Find a rug for the dining room
Get my cardio back up
Clean up the yard from Isabel
Halloween – 28 days and counting

And so the saga continues…

Where do we get these insane ideas? The most outwardly confidant woman that I know has admitted to feeling self-conscious. Will the insanity never end? This woman is probably one of if not the most naturally beautiful that I’ve met. I don’t think I’ve seen her with a hair out of place. When she grew her hair out, I didn’t see any of the awful middle stage that I’ve to deal with. Are we all brainwashed? One friend wears a size that is half the number I reach for, is cute as a button and thinks she’s fat. Another has hair to KILL for, friend is 2 inches taller than I am, wears smaller clothes that I do and thinks she’s fat. I work out at least 4 days a week, have dropped 7 sizes, but only 5 pounds since beginning to work out and I’m not content either.

It’s not like we have much of a chance of getting away from having a complex. According to the BMI principles, I’m obese. Of course the BMI rule doesn’t take into account anything that makes you unique. All it cares about is your height, age and weight. Let me tell you, I may have been borderline obese when I started working out, but I have a hard time believing that I still am. I’ve made too many changes to my body with exercise to think that I’m obese. Okay, so I’ve only lost a net of 5 pounds, but I’ve also lost over 10 inches on my waist and grown the size of my upper arms. Now if you want to say that I’m still a bit overweight, I’ll buy that, I’ll even agree with it. But on any chart at your doctor’s office, I’m obese. If I remember correctly, a healthy body fat percentage for a woman is between 18 and 28, according to that scale, I’m 4 or 5 percent over.

I’ve looked up the body fat percentage numbers for women: A top condition female athlete would be expected to be 10-12% body fat. A fit female would be expected to be 21-24% body fat. An “acceptable” level is listed as 25-31%. So I’m a hair above “acceptable” and the BMI wants to call me obese. Is it any wonder that I told a friend I was slightly dreading Halloween as the old fat one? Talk about a bad inner dialog, I realize that isn’t how people look at me, but that’s what all the measurements tell me I am. So maybe “old” isn’t real appropriate, but the truth is that I’m the oldest of the women I’ve been hanging around with (one is 28 and the other is 21). Oh the drama we endure. (laugh) By the way, the average woman has a BMI that says she is overweight.

Anyway, time to head for home and a healthy dinner.

So not to beat a dead horse, but could someone tell me why the clothing industry is making women’s sizes smaller? I was under the impression that Marilyn Monroe was a sex goddess to most of the male population. I’m sure if you got her BMI she’d be overweight as well. When did we go from women with curves to sticks?

Today is a milestone for a few special people in my life.

First of all, it is my younger brother’s 29th birthday. I’m really happy to see that he’s gotten things together and has taken control of his life. He won’t read this, since he thinks it is crazy that I have a website. I think he words were “Why would you want to go and do something like that? Don’t you get enough of that at work?” Okay, so we don’t see eye to eye on the use of my free time, but I think we can get beyond that.

Second, today is Necess1ty and Hubby’s wedding anniversary. They’ve been through a lot in the last two years. I’m glad the two of you have found that you can depend on each other. I have to give mad props to Hubby, he did really good on Necess1ty’s gift. I think it was GAP made perfume for a while and Necess1ty REALLY liked one of them (Blue I think), but they stopped making it and she couldn’t find any more. She went so far as to save the very last of hers so that she could have some made if she ever had the money. She would too, because she liked it that much. Well Hubby in a true stroke of genius, managed to acquire not one, but two unopened bottles of the perfume for Necess1ty’s gift and scored some major points in the process. He’s even managed to pull slightly ahead of even at this point (previous gifts had him in a HUGE deficit). So we now know that Hubby is capable of delivering on good gifts. This was a big success. Time will tell if turns into a positive pattern.

I’ve gotten a lot of interesting email at work, but today I received one that threw me a little. It wasn’t rude or anything, just unexpected. I’ve always known that they way you speak can be a hint to the area you are from. I never realized the way you string words together could as well and in this case more accurately than some people have guessed from hearing me talk. So today I found an email thanking me for my help with something and for another email I sent out with more detailed information on a similar topic. At the bottom of the email was this: “Just curious - your grammar usage is similar to what I grew up with. Are you from the Pennsylvania/Ohio area?”

Why yes I am, in fact I’m from Central Ohio and lived there until I moved down here to North Carolina. The thing is, I didn’t use any colloquialisms in my email, I purposely avoid them and so I’m not sure how he managed to narrow me down to those two specific states. I’m rather curious at this point, so I’m probably going to have to ask him what tipped him off.

My Midwestern non-accent has been known to throw people, but I wouldn’t expect the way I string sentences together to do the same thing…

In response to reading SOO BIG on the NJS Journal.

Have you even been awed by how the smallest of things can have the largest of impacts? You are following the threads and saying, “How small I am.” Have you ever followed them and said, “Look at all the lives I potentially touch?” Regardless of whether or not I am specifically remembered 100 years after I’m gone, the times I have interacted with other people have helped to shape who they are. Okay, so it may not be a big part of who they are, but I was still there.

I’m sure that there are people that I’ve known that don’t remember my name, but the first grader I helped learn how to read will always be able to read. He may not remember my name, but I remember his smile the day he read that first story all by himself. Joshua has a little piece of me with him whenever he reads something.

By showing him respect, I taught an inner city teenager that everything isn’t about black and white. The first time I met Jamal, he expected me to be hard on him and jump to conclusions because of his skin tone. I wasn’t raised that way and once Jamal saw that I wasn’t going to judge him on the color of his skin, but rather his actions, he became a great help to me in working with the other kids. I left a small part of myself in that neighborhood and I’d like to think that any time Jamal steps back to evaluate the situation he’s in, that I’m the one who first prompted him to do that.

A smile to the person at the grocery store can brighten their day. Picking up a piece of trash can prevent someone from tripping over it. Holding the door open for a frazzled Mom can earn a smile for her children. You never know how your actions ripple, but they do.

If you save one person 6 minutes, what can they do with that time? If you save 10 people the same amount of time each, you’ve given the world an hour. What could you do with an hour? What opportunities are lost because someone lacked an extra 5, 10 or 15 minutes?

It is the little things we miss when life goes haywire. Time to sit still and just be. Time to look up at the stars in wonder. Time to touch the world around us and experience what is there.

When people have left my life, it isn’t the big things I missed. I miss things like running up my grandparents’ porch and hugging my grandfather. I miss seeing a certain smile. I miss smelling a familiar smell.

So go ahead and build your bridge, just make sure that you have time for the people around you. We know that the Egyptians built the Pyramids, but can you tell me the name of the man who placed the stone? Pompeii was an incredible city, but it was destroyed. Very few things are forever, but should Joshua pass on a love a reading to someone else, I continue on.

Little things are important, even in the grand scheme of things and it is the small things that are often the most cherished.

When work gets to be too much, you’ll know by the Stealth Disco.

It has been brought to the glaring forefront, that there are still places where not only is there a glass ceiling, but bricks and anvils are lobbed at any woman who dares try to look upward.

The world unravels around you and a strong woman will influence you. Your past has had people working against you. You are destined to find the firm foundation, which you crave. Things are about to slow down and will not happen as quickly as you like. Your drive to achieve your assigned tasks may have been in vain, but new ventures are coming. You will be forced into a pattern of inactivity, but you must use it to work on your emotions and ready yourself by growing in a way you have yet to dare. All will work out, but it won’t be easy.

Does this describe Saturn Returns?

I’m struggling with feelings right now. I’m not unhappy or sad, but I have a lot of concern for another. I’m afraid that if I show too much compassion, it will be seen as a judgment on their strength. Maybe my worry is unnecessary, as I try very hard to refrain from judging others. I don’t want to add any more to an already stressful situation, even by accident.

So I’m here and I’m sending out good thoughts.

Happy thought for the day:

Today is my brother and sister-in-laws wedding anniversary. This last year has brought some changes into all of our lives with the addition of their first child, who also happens to be the one next generation in my immediate family. I’ve been assured that I’ll even get to see the little guy at some point. Right now it looks like I’ll be getting to see him when I go up to Ohio for the OSU/Michigan State game in November.

I have a very nice picture of these two somewhere, but it doesn’t appear to be on this hard drive, so I’ll look for it when I get home.

When I was a child, I could be such an obnoxious brat when someone tried to enforce on me something that I didn’t think was “fair”. I remember staging a protest on roller-skates across the driveway of our neighbors because they tried to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to use the sidewalk in front of their house as I roller-skated up and down the street. We’d just studied the Civil Rights movement in school that spring and we were told that public streets and sidewalks were officially the property of the city, but were the responsibility of the home owner to keep up (shovel the snow and break up the ice). So here’s a red-haired girl on roller-skates going back and forth in front of their house (during their annual blowout garage sale), chanting “Ci-ty Prop-er-ty, Ci-ty Prop-er-ty”. My mom had a hard time convincing me to stop that one. Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t argue that the area I was skating belonged solely to our neighbors who let us use it most of the time. I’m not sure exactly what she said to convince me to stop the protest, but I remember that as a result I started skating around the entire block (which was really 2 blocks without a break) and whispering “Ci-ty Prop-er-ty, Ci-ty Prop-er-ty” as I passed in front of the neighbor’s house.

In August, I received an email from a guy named David, who was putting together a very interesting site based on the premise of “A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words”. After running across my site, he asked if I would be interested in looking at the site and contributing. To make a long story short I did and today a slightly smaller version of “Sure, I’m unaffected…” was put on his site, along with a picture I took on the morning I reflect upon in the entry. Before the slight edit, it was about 200 words over the 1000 word limit.

There are some really cool stories on the site from around the world and each has a picture to go along with it. I’ve really enjoyed browsing through the stories.

The site is called A Picture’s Worth.

I don’t know where this started or is going, but here it is anyway.

Is it really that we fall out of love or do we grow out of love instead? Could it be that when we meet someone and fall in love, it is because both people are on the same level and as such they are able to relate to each other and connect. As we go through a relationship, we are all bound to change as life happens. If these events create changes that are incompatible or to widely diverging, does this contribute to people who were once deeply in love looking at each other and wondering how they got where they are.

The type of person who was attractive in High School is not the same type who is attractive in college. I remember the day I realized that I was attracted to men around the age of 30, which was a bit of a shock. Granted I was around 28 at the time, but it was still weird to realize that the guys I used to see as attractive were no longer as appealing. As I’ve gotten further along in my life, I’m not content with the same type of person I once was. Now it is entirely possible that the guys I found attractive in High School have grown into men who would continue to be attractive to me, but they aren’t the same people they were then. I’m not the same person either.

Recently, I met back up with someone I dated in the past. Another friend who knew us both asked if I was still attracted to him. I had to honestly say, “No” to that question.

Warning, do not call GATOR spyware. Apparently it is officially called adware and is provided as a helpful and benevolent service to anyone how likes to see a large amount of adds appear on their computer screen.

What is the difference between spyware and adware? According to GATOR, adware is forthcoming about the fact that it will be installed on your computer and you have the option of not installing it or the application you wanted in the first place.

Evidently GATOR has taken it upon itself to start bringing defamation of character charges against companies that sell anti-spyware software and use the claim that their software removes the evil spyware called GATOR. TGC (The Gator Company) claims that people who install their software as part of another installation are doing so with the full knowledge of what they are doing. Because kids (and adults) read all the fine print they are presented with then they want to install a Peer-to-Peer client on their machine.

TGC says they are keeping important software free or at lower costs. Then they go on to explain that most of the software that includes GATOR is worth as much as $30. I would gladly pay the $30 dollars to someone if I never had to see another pop-up add when web browsing

If someone knows what happened to the web server, they aren’t telling me. There started being issues again on Tuesday and on Wednesday my URL wasn’t recognized at all. Well, the site was back up this morning, but I have yet to hear back from the company hosting my site. Everything between 10/16/2003 and today is pretty much gone. On the up side, the changes I made to the photo album and guestbook were preserved. On the down side, I haven’t heard anything back about recovering the missing journal entries for not only my site, but also from Ranting Virgo and NJS for that time period. I’ll post more updates as I find out what is going on.